


Baz/Simon Oneshots

by RoughSeas00



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 21:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19281202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoughSeas00/pseuds/RoughSeas00
Summary: A compilation of one shots of Baz and Simon from Carry On. Some are different ways of them getting together, some are moments in their relationship. Enjoy!





	1. Dog Days

Baz hated dogs. It wasn't that he was scared of them, or had some tragic backstory about getting attacked; he just didn't like them. He didn't care to admit it but in his first weeks of craving blood he killed his neighbors old dog, Dracula. If he hadn't felt so terrible about it he probably would have stopped to laugh at the irony. From then on he had an even stronger dislike for dogs; simply because they reminded him of hard times. So, when Simon suggested that they go down to the kennels to see puppies, Baz was not on board. At first. And Simon did the thing. It was like he morphed into a small child who had mastered the art of begging; except with more kissing. He let his curls fall in front of his face and glanced up at Baz with large, well, puppy eyes, for lack of a better word. He stepped forward and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers in a way Baz would never tire of.

"Come on, Baz," he whispered, subtly moving closer, "just for me?" Baz forced himself to step backwards.

"You know I hate dogs, Snow. Why don't we go to that bakery place?" Simon closed the distance again and came so close that when he spoke his words tickled Baz's lip. Baz sucked in a breath and Simon grinned; he was winning.

"As much as I enjoy watching you lick cookie frosting off your lips," he slid his finger across Baz's mouth, earning another gasp. "I think I would rather watch puppies licking your face. Plus, maybe you like dogs now and just don't know it. You haven't seen a dog in years." Baz, still reeling from Simon touching him, just sighed. All of their arguments ended like this; Simon's touch was the only thing that could distract him from bickering. He finally nodded and Simon's grin burst into a full blown smile.

"Yes!" he yelled, throwing his arms around Baz's waist, "Best vampire boyfriend ever!" Baz rolled his eyes and did his best to smother the smirk trying to take over his face. The smirk won. He returned Simon's hug and pressed a kiss to his curls. Simon looked up and his eyes quickly turned from excited to filled with something else. He tried to peck Baz on the lips, but their pecks never really stayed pecks. Baz let his hands fall to Simon's waist and tilted his head to kiss him. Simon slipped his hands into Baz's jean pockets to pull him closer.

"This is why you should always wear jeans," he muttered against Baz. Baz reluctantly pulled away and rested his forehead against Simon's. "The kennel closes at 5. If we go now we will have a whole hour." Right. Baz had forgotten about the whole dog thing. He tended to forget about a lot of things when he was kissing Simon, but he didn't really care to try and fix that.

With one last kiss to Simon's jaw he said, "Alright I'll go get ready."

 

Baz was tense the whole car ride over, and when Simon grabbed his hand it was practically shaking. Simon pulled into the kennel driveway and parked the car, turning to face Baz before taking off his seatbelt.

"Babe, if you're that upset about this I'm not going to force you in there. You know I never wanna hurt you," Simon said holding Baz's trembling hands in his own.

"I'm not scared," he said indignantly, "it's just that one time. Well. You're gonna hate me, Si."

"That's ridiculous. I hated you for 7 years and it didn't work. Only love now." He leaned across the seat and pressed his lips quickly against Baz's.

"Ok, well we will see if you still feel this way after my story. Right after I hit puberty and started craving blood I had no where to go. I was so hungry, Si, it was excruciating. I couldn't think straight...I wasn't thinking straight. And the neighbor's dog was right there, and it was an old thing, probably only had a couple years left." Simon figured it out before Baz said it and screwed his eyes shut. But he squeezed Baz's hands to tell him to keep going. "I went over there and I hit him in the head with a rock. It knocked him out cold. It was fast, I tried to make it fast, I swear. I didn't want him to hurt, I just needed blood, and it was better than killing his owner. And then I drank. Ever since then every time I see a dog I feel like it knows what I did. It's stupid, I know. " Simon's eyes were still shut but he opened them when Baz stopped talking.

"Baz, that's the least stupid thing I've heard. I accidentally killed a baby bird once and I felt terrible. I can't even imagine what you had to go through," He leaned across the seat enough so that Baz could lean his head against his shoulder. "Let's just go home."

"No. I want to go in. I can't avoid them forever, I might as well do this now while you're with me."

"Ok, good. Now as much as I love you leaning on me like that, sitting in the seat like this is making me cramp in muscles I didn't know I had." Baz snorted and got out of the car.

Baz trembled and complained all the way to the puppy room, but the second they went in everything changed. It's not that there was some big moment when Baz saw the fuzzy creatures and fell in love. No. Baz wasn't even looking at the dogs. Instead, he was staring at his boyfriend, his best friend, the man who made him smile, his chosen one. The way his eyes lit up when they walked in to the room touched Baz in a place that only Simon could. Simon had made Baz so happy the past few years and Baz wanted so badly to return the favor. So, the decision had been made before Baz had even set eyes on the puppies; they were getting a dog.

"Simon," Baz said, poking his distracted boyfriend in the shoulder.

"Hm?"

"Let's get one." At this Simon's head snapped up momentarily distracting him from the tiny creature trying to lick his face.

"What? " he whisper yelled, eliciting an eye roll from his boyfriend.

"You heard me, Snow. Let's get a dog. We've got plenty of room and the apartment manager allows pets. You obviously love them and I guess they aren't all that bad. So let's just get one."

After a few long seconds of Simon staring at him in disbelief, his face split into a blinding smile and he was on his feet in a fraction of a second. He threw his arms around Baz's neck and jumped so his legs were wrapped around his waist, his face buried in his neck. Baz stumbled back with the impact of the surprisingly heavy boy, but recovered quickly enough to press a kiss to Simon's curls before gently removing him from his torso.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes." He said, not even bothering to try and hide his excitement. Simon checked to make sure the room was empty, besides the dogs of course, before kissing Baz hard right on the lips. Baz grunted in surprise before quickly returning the gesture. He gently pushed Simon backwards until he was pressed up against a kennel, and then lifted him up to sit on it. Simon's laugh was swallowed by Baz as he grabbed the back of Simon's neck and pulled him even closer. Had they not been in a puppy kennel, the make out session definitely would have intensified, but instead they were interrupted by something small and wet against Baz's ankle. Baz pulled back from a dazed Simon and looked down in surprise to see a small black and white puppy licking the skin between his jeans and his sock.

Simon snickered and pressed one last kiss to Baz's cheek before hopping off the kennel, "I think we found someone else who likes you in jeans, Baz." Baz chose to ignore the comment, instead opting to lean down and scoop up the puppy. He held the dog awkwardly away from him and laughed.

"Simon look, he has your eyebrows!" he said, getting as close to giggling as he could. The small puppy did indeed have two blonde patches right above his eyes that looked remarkably like Simon's brows. Simon just chuckled and took the dog out of Baz's arms and into his own; Baz didn't know how to hold the puppy correctly and the poor thing looked extremely uncomfortable.

The little dog squirmed around in Simon's arms and poked his head up to give him a slobbery kiss. Baz laughed.

"So, he likes me in jeans and he likes kissing you," he said, pressing his lips against the puppy's head and then Simon's, "I'd say we've found our match." Simon's smile gave him all the answer he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plans for a second part to this oneshot later on in the series!


	2. Simon Snow Gets Sconed

BAZ

I stare down at my bagel and try to ignore the laughter coming from Snow and his friends. I told myself I wasn't going to let myself look at him anymore, but it's like his blond curls are imprinted on the back of my eyeballs. His lips that are light pink and thin and to many I'm sure they're perfectly average, but for me they're just so him. Obviously I have a dirty crush on the boy I am destined to hate. I've stopped trying to deny that it exists and now I'm trying to just stomp it out. It's proving to be quite difficult. I hate the thoughts I have about him and I try to turn that into hate for him, but, well, to put it quite frankly, it's not working. When I finally drag my thoughts away from the annoying gorgeous wanker, I realize I'm staring right at him. Bunce says something and Snow throws his head back in laughter. I never make him laugh like that. I just can't take this today. Normally I have a much better handle on my infatuation, but I was out late last night trying to find food in the catacombs and the exhaustion is making me think things I normally smother. I jump up and hurry out of the cafeteria.

SIMON

Baz, scones, Baz, scones, Baz, scones. I can't decide. I just saw my arch-nemesis jump up and practically sprint out of the cafeteria. And that's very suspicious; Baz never runs. So, it's obviously a great time to catch him doing something evil and prove to Penny and Agatha that he's bad news. But. My plate is piled high with steaming raspberry scones, slathered in butter. Quite possibly the best part of Watford. Agatha insists that instead of being killed by the Insidious Humdrum I'm going to die of blocked arteries from over consumption of butter, but it's so delicious that I really can't be bothered to care. Anyway. The million dollar question; Baz or scones? Before I can make my decision I see Baz strut back into the room, as if he didn't just dart out several minutes prior. Huh. Must of been a bathroom emergency. Perfect! I turn my mind back to my scones.

BAZ

I take a couple of moments in the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face and collect myself before heading back to the cafeteria. I stride back in with my confident facade in place on my face to dissolve any gossip about my sudden departure. My plan was to head straight back to my table without a glance at Snow, but, of course, I fail miserably. I glance over to see the blithering idiot staring at his plate of butter-covered scones as if he wants to take them to bed. For a fleeting moment I am painfully envious of a breakfast pastry and decide that this is the lowest point of my life. Before I've registered what my hands are doing the scone has left my hand. I watch in horror as the parcel nails Snow in the back of the head. I hadn't even realized that I had picked it up. I'm such a fool. Snow whips his head around to face me, his golden curls flopping in his face. He quirks an eyebrow at me and I shoot him a glare before storming out.

SIMON

I cannot believe it. Did Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch just assault me with a scone? He just used the sacred food of the gods as a weapon? And then had the nerve to storm out as if nothing happened? I use my hand to swipe the crumbs out of my hair and turn back to face Penny and Agatha who are staring at me in shock.

"Did he just..." Penny stutters. This may be the first time I've seen her at a loss for words.

"I think he did," Agatha finishes, looking equally as flabbergasted. They both stare at me for a good thirty seconds before I realize I'm expected to do something.

"I guess I'll uh...just go...talk to him?" I ask. Because honestly I'm not sure exactly what the correct reaction is to your enemy chucking breakfast foods at you. I stand up and walk out trying not to focus on all the curious eyes on my back. I manage to get to the door without making a fool of myself and head to the bathroom. I walk in and see Baz washing his hands. I stand there for a second before he realizes I'm here.

"Bloody hell, Snow," he barks, "Why do you insist on sneaking up on people like that?"

BAZ

"Jeez what are you doing, following me? Is being my roommate just not enough for you? We're gonna spend bathroom time together now, too?" I snap. I just wish he would leave. Instead, he just stands there looking all awkward and uncomfortable and absolutely adorable.

"Er...Baz...you do realize that you just chucked a scone at my head, yeah?" he says, stuttering over his words like he does every time he gets flustered. I don't even attempt to dampen my eye roll; this absolute failure of a wizard deserves it.

"No, Snow," I reply, letting sarcasm flood my words, "I hadn't realized that." He scrunches up his face and I struggle to keep a smirk off my face; he is mad.

SIMON

I can not believe him. Can. Not. Believe. Him. What is his deal? First he sprints out of the cafeteria, then he chucks a scone at me, and now he's being a total jerk. Well, the last one is to be expected. It's the first two that have me nervous. The more he talks, the angrier I get. I know we don't like each other, but is it really necessary for him to treat me like this? I snap. I close the distance between us with a few strides and shove my hands against Baz's chest until his back is against the wall. On a normal day I would have never been able to do this but between my fury and Baz's surprise I manage to pin him against the wall. His eyes widen in shock and something else that I would like to call fear. And then the moment ends. He smirks and grabs my hands in order to flip me around so now I'm the one backed up against the wall. He looks down at me, his black hair swinging in front of his face and I get the insane urge to move it out of the way. So, I do. It's true what they say; anger makes people crazy. Never before would I have even imagined touching Baz's hair, but now here I am doing it. The third craziest thing of the day. Now for the fourth. I swear Baz's eyes soften. Which is a word I have never contemplated using to describe anything about Baz. But here we are. Me pushed up against a wall, my hand still hovering by his ear where I tucked back his hair, and Baz's black eyes shining with not anger, but something else.

BAZ

What the hell is this man doing to me? This incompetent little piece of dumbassery just swept my hair behind my ear. We are supposed to be enemies, what is he trying to accomplish? And then I do it. I push my mouth against his. I thought being jealous of a pastry was a low point, but this is worse. My dad already hates that I'm queer and now here I am sucking face with our family's sworn enemy. But then again, how could I not? He was standing there in front of me, sparkling eyes peeking up through golden curls and touching my hair. What else could I do?

SIMON

He's kissing me. His lips are on mine and his hand is in my hair and my hand is on his cheek and I'm kissing him back. I'm kissing him.

BAZ

He tastes like scones with butter and I'll be damned if that's not my new favorite meal.

SIMON

I'm kissing him. I'm not pulling away. I'm not disgusted. I'm kissing Baz.

BAZ

He's kissing me back. Bloody hell, Simon Snow is kissing me back. His hand is resting on my cheek beside where he just touched my hair. My fingers are tangled in his curls like I have wanted for so, so, long, and Snow is kissing me back.

SIMON

The door to the bathroom swings open to reveal a stunned first year looking at us in utter shock. Baz whips around while also somehow managing to pull me closer to him.

"Get. Out." he growls. The poor kid turns around and scurries away. Baz turns back to me, his hands resting on my hips. I can feel all the blood rush to my face and the way his thumb is making patterns on my hip is distracting me so much I can't speak. I just stand there and look at him. I just kissed him. We just made out in the bathroom and I didn't want it to stop. But now he's looking at me, just staring at me, his fingers slipping into the belt loops on my pants. I clear my throat.

"I want to...uh..." my voice cracks and I picture throwing myself into the lakes to feed myself to the creatures waiting to swallow me up. Baz's lips, lips that I just kissed, flick up into a smirk.

What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? I remove my hand from his (very nice) cheekbone and self-consciously rub the back of my neck. Baz furrows his brows and removes his hands from my hips. This is the most awkward I have ever seen him look.

"That was...bonkers?" I try, hating myself even more. Who uses bonkers after kissing someone? Not just someone. Baz.

"Bonkers, Snow, bonkers?" he says, full on grinning now. "That was freaking amazing." And then yet another crazy thing happens. Baz steps back and looks nervous. Never in all of my years of being his roommate has he ever looked this vulnerable.

"At least, I thought it was," he murmured, "amazing, that is". I just stare.

BAZ

Well, it's official. I have broken Simon Snow. He's just standing there. Staring at me like, well, like his life long enemy just kissed him. And I don't quite know what to do. Because the truth is, Snow was right. That was absolutely bonkers. I have to do it now. I just have to tell him because if I let him go without telling him I'm never gonna forgive myself later.

"Look, Snow, I mean Simon," he blanched at hearing his name, "I like you. We're enemies, you think I'm trying to kill you and that I hate you and I should, but I can't Snow, because you make it so hard. That kiss wasn't impromptu for me. I've been imagining that, hoping, for that since fifth year. I like you. And I get you don't feel the same so I'll pull some strings and we can finally switch roommates. OK? OK."

With one last shuddering breath, I turn around and start to walk away.

SIMON

Wait, what?  
What?  
Where is he going? Before I can think about it I reach out and grab his wrist.

"You're just gonna leave after saying all that? Do I not get to even respond to that?" I snap, in disbelief. He slowly turns around and looks down at my hand gripping his wrist. I let it go.

"I figured you wouldn't have anything to say," Baz whispers, obviously trying to hide the hurt in his voice. And then I know. Because the second I hear the pain in Baz's voice, I want it to stop. I am a blind, freaking idiot. All this time I've spent trying to chase Baz out of my life, I never realized that I would be completely lost without him. And now this. Baz likes me. He likes me. And I like him. I don't trust myself to say all this without stuttering or my voice breaking, but it's true. So true that it hurts. I grab his hand.

His eyes widen in surprise and he raises his eyebrows at me.

"What are you doing, Snow?"

"I'll be damned if I know." And then I swear I must be dreaming because Baz laughs. His face splits into a grin, and he lets out a laugh that for once isn't aimed cruelly at me. And it's so perfect, and I never want it to stop. I pull him forward and wrap my arms around him. Because, yeah. I like him, too.

BAZ

He's not running away. He's not screaming at me or looking at me in disgust. He's grabbing my hand and joking and he's hugging me. I let my head rest on top of his and put my arms around his back, pulling him closer.

"Hey, Snow," I murmur.

"Hm?" he replies, the vibration of his response tickling my chest.

"You wanna go out with me? We can get scones." He whips his head up so fast that he cracks the bottom of my jaw with the top of his head. His face flushes and before he can even began to apologize profusely I shut him up with a kiss. It works brilliantly.

When he pulls away he says, "Yeah. But I won't forget I was promised scones."

I grin and pull him close to me again.

SIMON

As I'm kissing Baz for the third time I can't help but think that I'll never have to pick between Baz and scones again.


End file.
